Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Mi Vida Loca

The Parker's life is totally chaotic these days. We spend our days running to and from Play rehearsals without a minute to spare. It's completely insane. So, it got me thinking. What would we do if our kids were really overscheduled? I know families whose kids do acting, horseback riding, cheering, travel soccer and oboe lessons, all in one weekend. Please people! I don't have the strength. I have been bitching up a storm since the beginning of the rehearsals for "Gone with the Breeze" and this is just one activity. I am really glad my kids aren't big "joiners" ya know. Thank heavens for that. There's something to be said for "homebody" kids who like to stay home with Mom & Dad and watch Spongebob and ICarly. Is that wrong? I think not. Oh, I'm not worried that my kids aren't getting enough socialization, believe me, they get plenty. So, I don't feel compelled to wake up at 7:00 AM on Saturday Mornings to run the munchkins to Karate or Interpretive Dance or Future Accountants Club. I'd rather stay at home and have pancakes thanks. I think it's pretty impressive we get out of the house on Sunday for Church. Now that's important.
But to be honest, once the play has concluded, I am thinking about youth soccer for Matty. Simple, benign, non-competitive Brunswick Youth Soccer. Cup of coffee and a kindergarten soccer game on brisk fall morning would be rather relaxing. And it would be a good way for Matty to work out his excess energy. It's just important that we don't let him get too good. I don't want him on one of those ridiculous travel teams that are like a second full time job. Is that wrong? I think not.

Sunday, March 29, 2009

The School Play.....the countdown continues

Only six days until the children of St. John's School take the stage in this year's production of "Gone with the Breeze." A madcap, lighthearted comedy in two acts. Michaela, our 14 year old has a one of the leading roles and Kayleigh, is making her theatrical debut in the role of "Pageant Girl." The whole thing is all very exciting.............and......exhausting. Mark is the technical director of this year's play (again!) and is working his butt off. Between rehearsals and set building sessions, I haven't seen most of my family in weeks. So, although I am looking forward to the big debut, I am anxious for it to be over so we can all get back together and things can get back to normal. I wonder what we will do with all the extra time. I know Matty will be happy to get his sisters back. And, I can't wait to get my hubby back :-)
So, at 7:00 PM on Friday night, the lights in the church basement will dim and the show will go on. I can hardly wait to see my munchkins sing and dance. I will be so proud. But the person I am most proud of, is Mark. He has given so much of his time to this thing, I am in awe of his commitment. Of course, he's a bit attention needy and we will need to ooh and aaaahhh over the sets and props so he can feel validated for all his hard work. That, I will gladly do, because he's a rock star in my book.

Saturday, March 21, 2009


This is always an amusing topic and I find myself thinking about drinking today. Not thinking about having a drink, rather how people behave when they drink. Because last night, I took my sister in law out for her 40th birthday. We had planned to have dinner, but that never really happened, because we had drinking on the agenda and that was really the primary focus of our sojourn. We started out at the Wild Rover Pub in Manch Vegas. Now, I haven't been to the Rover since 1994 but the place hasn't changed one iota. Same smelly bathrooms, same wood floor covered with peanut shells, same bartender. Same Bartender? Good god, this guys been serving drinks in the same smelly gin mill for 15 years, holy crap. Talk about commitment. They should name the "john" after him or something. The guys a staple.
Anyway, we started at the Rover and moved on to Margarita's after that for.......you guessed it.....Margaritas. After a couple of rounds with Senor Patron, it was back to the Rover to continue on. Well, I can tell you, my sister in law was lit up like a Christmas Tree, which was good because that was the objective. She's married to my brother, so she normally needs to stay sober at parties to drive him home, so now it was her turn. I can say with great confidence that she had fun and that she accomplished her mission of "tying one on" I stayed sharp for most of the evening so when we got home, Jer and Ar were sitting around having cocktails with some friends, so I had the opportunity to catch up.
But, today, I feel like crap. Very tired, and hungry and a little shaky. And I really didn't drink that much. So, it just means I am getting old and can't handle my liquor. I remember the old days, I could stay up all night partying and "carrying on" (as Nana used to say) and I could drag myself out of bed the next day and work a double shift only to go out after work and do it all over again. Nowadays, if I have more than a couple of glasses of wine, I am totally shot. So I really am getting old in some ways. But that's ok, it's Gods way of telling me not to drink like a fool at my age, because there's a price to pay. (he's so smart)
I did get up this morning and go for a 4.5 mile run so that helped the situation, although I had to drink two bottles of water to get through it. So the question remains, why do we drink? If the enjoyment is so fleeting and the payback is a bitch, why have a cocktail at all? Wouldn't we all be better off if we just had an Ovaltine? I suppose, but that's not how we're wired. We want to have a drink to relax, to blow off steam, to forget, to celebrate, we don't even need a reason. And it's pretty freaking fun........every once in a while. So, I suppose if you know the price and you do a quick risk and reward scenario and your still reaching for the Corona--you should enjoy it. That's what I do......Now where is that bottle of Chardonnay?

Thursday, March 19, 2009


I think I have mentioned before how much I enjoy the show Intervention on A & E. If you don't watch this program, I highly recommend it. The premise is this; they convince some individual in the throes of serious addiction to participate in a documentary about their "issues" Usually the participants are pretty close to hitting bottom in whatever their drug of choice may be. What this person doesn't know is that their family is planning an intervention to try to get them to get into treatment. So for the first 45 minutes of the show, you watch this living breathing train wreck chug alcohol until they are barely breathing, shoot heroin, smoke meth or even huff canned air. Then in the last 15 minutes, they show you the intervention and you find out if they got into treatment. Finally, at the end they show you or tell you if the person stayed clean. It is just awesome TV. Watching this show is like watching a car accident, you can't turn away but you can't believe what you are seeing. The kooky girl huffing the canned air was the most whacked. She would go to the local Office Max and pick up a case of "dust off" and then sit in her living room doing hits of canned air. And after she huffed, she started speaking in tongues and stuff. Bizarre. The good news is, she got clean and sober and stayed that way. Not so for Cristy, the meth smoking stripper who lived in squallor and treated her entire family like garbage because she was so wasted all the time. Or the little southern woman who drank dozens of little nips of vodka each day. All I could think was, why not buy a gallon, ya know? But anyway, she got clean too. So bravo to her.
Why do I watch? Because it allows you to peer into another side of society. You see the demons that face the human race and I think I gain a better understanding of the shit that people are up against. The problem is, the drama is so raw and real, you can't help feeling so sorry for these people. I found myself praying for Christy the meth-head at church the other day. Go figure. So, if you ain't watching, I highly recommend it.
hey, wasn't this blog supposed to be about my half marathon quest.....
don't worry folks, I am still on the training plan, it's just not as much fun to talk about as canned air junkies. Am I right?

Sunday, March 15, 2009

A bad mommy moment.....and then....redemption.

I am a bit concerned about my memory lately. Sure, I can still remember every line to the movie "Airplane" and the song "Scenes from an Italian Restaurant." But, when it comes to day to day life, it seems I can't remember anything and I seem to be getting things really wrong lately. My brain is not working properly, that's for sure. This was evidenced by a horrifying "bad mommy moment" that i had earlier today. In the interest of therapy and hopefully to inspire others, I am going to share my story with you fine people.
Three weeks ago, Matthew, my 5 year old received an invitation for his "bestest friend" Weston Cooper's birthday party. The invitation was an "evite" ya know one of those cool online invitations that you just respond online and say you are coming? So, that's what we did. We responded in the affirmative and went on with our lives.
About a week ago, I went back into the evite website to confirm the party and to forward the evite to my cell phone so that I would have all the details saved on the blackberry. I felt so hip and cool (it's all I got people!) Yesterday, we went shopping and bought Weston some really cool Lego's and Matty and I wrapped the gift with significant flourish. This morning, Matty woke up and I even managed to get him into the tub with minimal argument because he was looking forward to Weston's party.
After church, Matty and I got in the car, ready to head west to Lisbon for the party. That's when it happened. I looked at my cell phone. Just to confirm the party time and place. That's when my heart sank. That's when I wanted to cry. That's when I realized, the party was..........yesterday.
Heartsick, I told Matty. He was a little bummed, but he definitely took it much better than I did. He asked several questions like, "what day is the birthday party?" and "what day is today?" I think he wanted to make sure I had looked at all the angles. He probably figured, I could be getting it wrong so he better make sure. So we drove home. I was pretty upset and felt like a failure.
But, this is where being a mom is so freaking cool. When we got home, Matty asked me, "Mommy since you forgot about Weston's party and I didn't get to go, do you think I could have his Lego's?" I told him no and he said, "that's ok, then can we bake cookies." Yes. That we can do! So out came the sugar, butter, oats etc and we made a kickin batch of "Oapmeal" cookies. And Matty was happy as a clam. And he said, "this is way better than the birthday party and even though you have the forgets, I still love you."
Until, of course, I inevitably screw up again.
And how was your day?

Thursday, March 12, 2009


So, Rihanna is a big topic of discussion at my house lately. My girls, Kayleigh and Michaela are disgusted with Chris Brown and can't believe that Rihanna might be getting back together with him. Of course, I am right there in the discussion with them, this is an opportunity for a wonderful life lesson. Hitting is not ok, and if a man hits you once, he will likely hit you again. Yada, yada, yada, I sound like Oprah.
Today, the news came out that Chris Brown has withdrawn his name from contention for a "Kids Choice Award" which I suppose in the world of tweens and teens, this is like Brad Pitt taking his name out of Oscar contention. (Although this scenario would never happen to Brad, because Angelina would kick his ass). But anyway, THIS WAS BIG NEWS! So then the debate came up, should Nickelodeon have taken away his nomination once he was arrested, rather than waiting for him to withdraw. Yes, definitely, we all decided. Right on, consensus again. The life lessons keep humming along.
Then, my husband, foolish as he can be, remarked about a joke that he made in the car today about Rihanna, that he clearly found funny but the girls were obviously non-plussed. (I never got the details of the joke, because I was too busy getting disgusted with him for making a joke about the topic) But you know what? His stupid joke actually punctuated the life lesson. The fact that me and the girls were irritated with him and his ridiculous joke once again confirmed the gravity of such a situation. The Life Lessons are flying a mile a minute here at Parker's Nest. So what did we learn today......?????
1. Chris Brown is a scumbag
2. Rihanna is a moron if she takes him back
3. My husband who I love more than anything, makes stupid jokes that can step over the line
4. My girls are very wise and know right from wrong.

all in all---not too shabby
I wonder what we will learn from Paris Hilton tomorrow :-)

Monday, March 9, 2009


Girls Weekend is over for another year. I drove home from Eastover yesterday all by myself, listening to the CD my dear friend Amy made me. Halfway through "I Say a Little Prayer for You" by Dionne Warwick (what can I say, we have eclectic taste) I got to thinking about the bonds women have with each other and why they are so critical. I have a number of amazing women who have come into my life and each has had such a major impact on me and who I am.
First there's Carrie, my oldest and dearest friend. I have always joked that if I were going to become a lesbian, I would want Carrie as my longtime companion, not because she turns me on, but merely because we finish each other's sentences. We see each other maybe twice a year, but when we get together, it's like we never left each other.
There's also my friend Susan, who I don't see much any more, and that really does break my heart. We just seemed to fall away from each other a bit. But I know if I really needed her, she would be here. She was the one person who really helped me pick up the pieces after my divorce and because of her, I am a different person. Better for being her friend.
Then, you have the girls at work Kerry and Bonnie who lift me up when I am down. It's weird to be friends with someone when your the boss, but we just make it work. We have our own version of team building and it usually ends at Grittys.
There's Amy, the only person who can make me laugh harder than Carrie. It helps that their sisters. She is so freaking funny and warm and thoughtful. When I grow up, I want to be like her and be crafty and clever enough to make "party pants" for everyone. Alas, that's not my calling.
There are so many more of these strong women in the picture for me. My dear friend Kris who I share my aspirations and my faith with. We have this special bond that makes it easier to get through the day. Tracey Bayer who convinced me I was beautiful when I was having my photograph taken and beginning to waiver with self doubt. Lisa my partner in crime on the Parent's Association who always gets the joke and thinks I am the funniest PTA President ever.
Oh crap, I could go on and on. But I started to wonder why it is that we women form these bonds with each other and become so close in a way that men can't. I think it's in the genes. So after spending the weekend with 13 of my dearest friends (some whom I had just met) I can tell you that we women have something pretty special. Only this crowd would have walked with me through such trying times....
...........suave cabana boys who were not a day over 16
............losing at bingo
.............A difficult bikini wax
..............Boudoir photos (don't ask)
..............A crappy Disc Jockey
.............Striptease dance class
..............Pelvic Floor Issues
................psychic readings
we laughed and hugged and had a fantastic time through it all because of the spirit of these strong and fabulous women. Of course......the vodka may have helped too, particularly with the bikini wax.

Monday, March 2, 2009

The countdown continues

Those of you who read this drivel on a regular basis have already heard about Girls Weekend and you know that I am really excited for it. Well folks, the time has come, Girls Weekend 2009 is only 4 short days away and I can't wait! I am more excited for GW09 this year than I have ever been. I think it's because it has been such a tough year. Between the economy, minor medical crises, family upheaval and work stress, I am sooooooooo ready to blow off some steam. And Eastover's Girls Weekend Away is the best way I know to do just that. Let me take you through the weekend's festivities so you too can appreciate the foolishness. It's important to understand that Eastover (or EO as we affectionately call it) is an "old timey" resort in Western Mass. It has a certain 1960's in the Catskills feel to it. It truly does remind me of Kellerman's. (You Dirty Dancing fans are getting that reference). During GW, the resort is open to women only, over 21 and all the activities are geared toward a fun girls weekend away. The resort is BYOB, so you can bring whatever you like to drink and it is socially acceptable to drink at any time. We start the weekend with Friday Happy Hour and Karaoke which is always a hoot. Then it's off to dinner in the dining room. The food at EO is mediocre to say the least, so it's best to stick with the salad bar and the pasta, anything else is a risk. But it doesn't really matter, we don't come for the food. After dinner, it's back to the "Heritage Club" for more revelry and dancing. There's also a "passion Party" where you can see all the latest in "marital aids." Always a riot.
Saturday always starts for us with Breakfast and then right on down to Bingo and bloody mary's. It's nice when the table of Octogenarians celebrating Myrtles' 80th birthday get angry with the Bingo caller and yell "Shake your balls" It happens every year.
Saturday is all about rest, relaxation, maybe a spa appointment or a nap. But at 4:00 PM on Saturday, we head on over to the Tally Ho club for "Striptease dance class" OMG. This is ridiculous. But it's the only exercise class I have ever been to where it is socially acceptable to bring a bottle of merlot. Now that's my kind of exercise! After Strip class, it's back up to the room for cocktails and laughs with the girls. Then Dinner and the scavenger hunt. Finally, dancing at the tally ho, where all the drunk women show off their striptease dance class moves.........poorly. Around 2 am, it's time to break into the indoor pool for a midnight swim. It's the best time to work out our synchronized swimming routine.

Sunday morning, is usually a final chance to have breakfast, hug, kiss, remember the laughs and then we all go our separate ways. Of course, the 5 hour ride home is filled with cell phone calls back and forth between cars as we slowly begin to remember foggy memories from the night before and we laugh all over again. The weekend is too short, and as soon as we get home, we start counting the days until next year when we get together and do it again.

Sunday, March 1, 2009

Why do I live in Maine?

This is a question I ask myself more and more these days. It seems like it has been snowing here since, oh, I don't know, November. When I wake up in the morning and turn on the local news, I inevitably say out loud, why do I live here?
Let's run it down shall we?
Reasons not to live in Maine
1. I am 2 hours from my mom & dad (too far)
2. Maine is one of the most liberal states in the nation and is bordering on a socialist state.
3. Maine gets way too much snow (I like about 1 month of winter and then I am done)
4. I am way too far from a good New York Deli
5. My dear friend Carrie is 5 hours away
6. My kids are still wearing turtlenecks in May
7. I have to remortgage the house every year just to pay the plow guy
8. I am 2 hours north of ....let's see....mmmm....oh yeah, just about everything

Reasons to live in Maine
1. My daughter's dad lives in Maine

So, that's it, that's the reason I live in Maine. Kayleigh sees her dad every weekend and every other week during the summer. And, that is so important. She has a great relationship with her dad and I think it's critical that she maintains that. So, I guess I am stuck here.
But when she turns 18........The Parker's are headed south baby. Only 9 more years to go.
there you go.