Friday, January 30, 2009

As seen on TV---Slim and Lift

I am embarrassed to tell you about this, but hell I only know a few people who read this thing and I can trust you can't I? Anyway, I have always been a sucker for infomercials and I am not ashamed to tell you that I have an extensive collection of items purchased off the tv, most of which are related to looking better or feeling better. What I mean is, I don't have the Sham Wow! and I think Billy Mays is an idiot. I wouldn't be caught dead using the ab-lounge or purchasing the fantastic space bags, but I do have Hip Hop Abs (Shawn T. was a friend for a while) and Slim in 6. Well my latest ridiculous tv purchase was the "Slim and Lift, smooth contour garment." OK, have you seen this one. It's basically an industrial strength girdle that is supposed to allow you to go down a dress size. Now I have a lot of dresses in my closet that haven't seen the light of day in a while, so I figured the Slim and Lift might be just the answer to my wardrobe issues. I assumed that if they could stuff the girls on the infomercial into this contraption certainly we could shoehorn my fat butt into it. (Don't worry, I don't have self esteem issues, I am just honest with myself)
Well, the thing arrived last week and I can only say the Slim and Lift is not a garment, it's an instrument of pain. On the infomercial they show these women sliding on the Slim and Lift and immediately looking svelte, comfortable and full of confidence. A very different event occurred in my walk in closet on the day that the damn thing arrived. I wriggled, I hopped, I did deep knee bends, but to no avail. There was no way I was getting this thing over my "motherly" hips. After 20 minutes, I finally gave up and threw the freaking thing back in the box and shipped it back to the company.

The good news is the larger size should arrive next week. In the meantime, I think I should have some carrots and then hit the treadmill. What do you think?

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